Journey To Self Love – Self-Talk

Module I

Key Ingredient #1 – Self Talk 

I have broken down Self Talk into two categories:

1) The Internal dialogue within myself and how I speak to myself about myself.

2) The other is my Ego speak and how it speaks to me and prevents me from my full success. 

These two Self Talk aspects are the keys to your transformation to love.  To understand these aspects empowers you with complete and total awareness on ones journey to self-love.  When you can disseminate the internal dialogue you have power over your limited mind and then can tap easily and effortlessly to into your greatness and divinity, which will allow you to create the joyful, healthy and abundant life you seek so desperately. 

Section 1) Self Talk to yourself:

I would really like you to take a minute and think about how do you speak to yourself? What is your internal dialogue with yourself? Here are just some of the ways you might be speaking to yourself and will get you going on understanding this aspect of your journey back to self love.

  • Is your mind’s voice loving? Is it kind? Do you speak to yourself as you do to a lover, or a child? With gentle words and a soft tone? With kindness? Or do you speak to yourself harshly, critically and in a hard tone, as if you are a bad child?
  • Do you speak to yourself as if you are worthless or can do anything right? Do you say to yourself that you are hopeless or do you tell yourself how very capable you are?
  • Do you tell yourself that you will always be fat or that you are sexy, voluptuous, and hot?
  • That you are lazy that you will never make any money? Or that you are disciplined and working toward your goals? That you are the creator in your life and can easily and effortlessly create abundance?
  • Do you worry? Do you have fear? Anxiety? Do you feel as if everything is out of your control, and say to yourself nothing ever really changes? Of do you say I am the creator in my life and I create change?
  • Do you say mean things to yourself? Do you tell yourself you are beautiful?
  • Are you abusive to yourself? Or are you loving toward yourself?

How we speak to ourselves does matter.  It maters a great deal.  I never actually realized this until I started observing my own thoughts and how I spoke to myself.  I realized that I was so MEAN to myself, and truly that the way my internal dialogue was I would never speak to another living person ever the way I speak to myself.  So if that was the case, why was I speaking to myself like that?  It made me cry with the realization that I personally was the cause of so much of my own pain and suffering.  As if I was being abused verbally by someone on the outside but it was me actually being the abuser! How very exhausting. No wonder I was so tired and sad all the time!

Think about this, if you were being verbally abused by someone everyday and this person, man or woman, told you every day that you were stupid, fat, lazy, tired, unattractive, your hair was uncontrollable, you always say the wrong thing.. on and on you could go, how tired and beat up would you feel?  I bet pretty hopeless, tired and depressed.

How about if you hear a compliment from someone? If that very person would say loving, kind, supportive things to you everyday, how would you feel? If they said you were gorgeous, and beautiful? That you were sexy and had pretty eyes,? That your curly soft hair made them want to touch it, put their fingers in each ringlet, and play with it? Or that they loved how wild and sexy it was? How about if they told you that you were smart? That you were important? That you matter? That you have an impact on their life? That you are funny and that you bring joy to their life daily? That your smile lights up a room? What if they told you that your discipline in life inspires them along with your creativity? That they love your touch and being in your presence? How would you feel then? How would you feel every day and every minute of everyday?

I bet you would feel energized, excited, happy and ready to embrace life! I bet you would jump out of bed elated for the new day!

Self-Talk maters! It maters a great deal to who we are as people, and how we feel about ourselves and our lives.  When we say positive, upbeat and loving words to ourselves, we have a positive attitude.  We put a smile on our faces and we walk with a spring in our step. When we cultivate self-acceptance we are closer to our truth along with our willpower that propels us into action to make our lives and the lives of those around us better.  When we are beat down and sad there is no hope and then there is no will for life, and then you feelings of hopelessness and depression seep into your soul.

So how do we get ourselves out of negative self-talk and on the path to Self Love and self-acceptance so that we me not just live but THRIVE!  We do this by first taking changing the wiring, the internal dialogue.

Start by caring a note book around with you, with a can be a little notebook that fits in your pocket or purse but carry it everywhere with you, even the bathroom.  Every time you have a negative thought toward yourself, write it down. Then write 3 positive opposite things to counteract the negative thoughts.  For example, you say to yourself, “I’m so fat!” and then you counteract that with saying: “I’m gorgeous, I am sexy! I am voluptuous!”

When I first did this exercise, I was shocked at the level of self-abuse I inflicted on myself but not only that how often! It was continual and constant. No wonder I was tired and sad and feeling despondent about the hopes for my future. It is extremely challenging to get out of your own way when you beat yourself up every 2 seconds. It was very very load in my head.  The second thing I noticed was I had trouble coming up with something positive to tell myself because I felt I was lying to myself. I had to call my sister to ask her to tell me how to speak nicely to myself! I couldn’t believe how difficult it was for me to speak kindly to myself because I always thought I loved myself and had a healthy self-esteem. I believed by being self critical I was assisting myself not to get complacent and to push myself in self improvement, etc.…but by doing this exercise and coming out on the other side with a quiet mind, little if any anxiety or worry, loving kind thoughts to myself and if I don’t feel particularly good about something I say “OK that’s interesting…what should we do create change?” That is not to go to, my go to use to be to say “I’m such a jerk for eating that cupcake or not working out.”

You will find after a couple weeks of writing down your thoughts and putting positive words in their place that you will lighter, happier, and will be free from the mind chatter. 

Section 2 of the Self Talk is the Ego talk.

The Ego is the part of you that is what you think of as your identity in this life. It is the personality.  However, it is not you. You are the observer, the watcher. That is who you are. Take a minute and hear your thoughts..who is listening? Who is watching you read? This is the Greater you, your essence.  Your Ego is your limited mind.  Your Ego is always afraid of losing its identity and it loves to use fear as its go to which will stop you in your tracks from moving forward in the direction you had envisioned for yourself and your life.  It creates scenarios, pulling in past events that do not exist now; these events occurred already, they are not happening now.  Your ego might tell you a story about some other person on some other day that xyz happened.   The EGO is a powerful aspect of yourself that can be your greatest ally in your success depending on how you chose to respond to it and work with it.

I’ve noticed in my own life that my Ego always, I mean always shows up in a big way every time I get close to a big shift in my life, a new creation, path or something I said Yes too. It throws all the possible terrible outcomes that could befall me if I take the path I desire. It will say what’s the point? It will lull me into complacency and the ordinary if I allow it too.  See, I want to live in freedom, in joy, in self-love and acceptance. I want to be in perfect health.  So I have learned to use my Ego as my barometer that I’m on the right track, and that I must be doing something right because as soon as it resists me, I know I’m close to transformation and success.   For example, night before I left for my journey to Peru, which was to be a Shamanic Renewal retreat as a part of my Jade Program in Soul Therapy School, my Ego went to town on me. It told me that nothing would change, why did I spend all this money? It said so what that I’m going, I’ll just be disappointed when I get back to Chicago, that I’m alone and that nothing really changes. It showed me every bad relationship, made me worry about money..and all before I went to sleep. This kind of worry hasn’t happened in a long long time.  I thought wow! I must be really close to a major breakthrough and my Ego is highly threatened by my trip to Peru.  So I said to my Ego, “Ego, I know you are feeling very threatened that you will lose your identity and that I won’t need you but I do need you. I need you to be Carolyn in this life, and I need you to co-create with me. I need you to co-create a life of abundance and freedom we are so desperately seeking. You are not going anywhere. I love you! “ Guess what? As soon as I said these words the ego tirade stopped. It was peaceful and quiet in my brain and I was off to sleep. 

The only way to manage ones thoughts including your Ego is to say, “I love you! Thank you for that thought. I appreciate it!”  Love yourself and manage self-talk with words of love, along with acceptance, and out of negativity and worry. You will free your mind from the inner critic or the inner abuser, and by doing so you will free yourself from the constant worry and anxiety. This will create space in your mind to then allow peace to be present, and then with this peaceful space will come the ability to create. Create your next move, your new project, to read that book, to enjoy the sun and the air,…to love yourself.  Lastly, create a mantra to say it to your self daily and every time you remember to that you are a magnificent being, you are perfect, and that you love and accept yourself completely.  A loving voice is one key on your journey to self-love.

I hope you create a gentle loving mind.


Carolyn Goldfarb

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